The Longest Wait …

As a resident of the United Kingdom, i feel prejudiced against by the evils of time zones. Yes, the non tangible entities that are time zones are causing havoc for my geeky lifestyle. As a regular listener of various podcasts, my favourite is The Jay And Jack Show , which is the offspring of the merged Ramblecast and Married Man Podcast. Now, the latter of the two Jay And Jack podcasts in the week comes out on Friday. So, yesterday, Friday 13th, i eagerly await the latest installment of the crazy glatfelter fix, but due to the aforementioned timezones, i am forced to endure a long car journey without there humour as i have to wait until Saturday to download it, or wait up into the dead of the night like an intoxicated creature of the night, wallowing in my own self despair.

Now, this is not a problem caused by Jay And Jack. Though they may be influential podcasting figures who can manage to get Jorge Garcia (yep, HURLEY on their show), they cannot muster the energy to create a sole timezone due to the sun vacating it’s position to go and treat the other timezones to some warm and bright hospitality. So, how could we resolve this derelict issue? Well, i have just the thing.

How about using some of the worlds governments nuclear energy and resources used to threaten one another and re-enact playground banter. “Well, my president has more nukes than your prime minister”. But, if we were to muster the nuclear energy and fire a large blast a few million miles wide, we could blast a hole right through the sun, which is larger than the diameter of the earth, thus allowing the sun to have the earth encased within it’s womb like hole, and could then use the debris from the sun to create a canopy over the earth so that all of the planet gets sun all the time. But then again, how would we sleep? Oh wait…I got it. We would create a giant light switch powered by our new human race, consumed by the amount of nuclear radiation caused by our actions, and hence are now 800 foot tall and have more facial hair then Brian Blessed. That would be a fabulous tribe for our species, wouldn’t you agree?